Messages from the Universe

In Uncategorized on July 22, 2013 at 6:52 am

About 2 months ago my wonderful home girl and writer Joshunda gifted to me her registration for Blogher conference in Chicago.  The gift blew me away. I’m still trying to put together a thank you gift to express how grateful I am. At the time I confessed to J that I was searching for a new job. She wrote in an email “Maybe this is the universe conspiring to make a new job happen.” When I signed up for the conference, I registered with my current title and job. “I blog for work, “ I thought to myself as I typed my title and work URL into the website database…….

I created ONYX while in graduate school as I was transforming my life –mentally, spiritually and physically.  I was on a path to what I call a whole me.

I graduated with my MS degree and set out to change careers and enter a new journalism landscape. Over 30 and with real bills, I was not able to take the internship route to landing a great job in a major city or with a national news or media agency.  After a few stints at a community newspaper and freelancing, I reached back and started working in a libraries—my first career began at a reference desk. I also started blogging….but stopped.

I stop working on ONYX for various reasons. Reasons I convinced myself were legitimate: I’m not really a writer (I’ll explain this later), I don’t have a readership, can’t find contributors, I have real bills need to work no time to blog, no one is interested in this content…..

Truth is I gave up on my journalism career goals and ONYX, because I gave up on my dreams.

The last year of my life has been the most painful. No I didn’t lose a parent, or experience a sexual trauma or tragedy.

I finally confronted traumas from my past. Wounds so deep that the memories are buried deep in my psyche yet affected my everyday living. Wounds that kept me living in fear. Living in fear is a walking death. Wounds that made me give up on ONYX.

Although I had been to therapy many times throughout my life, last year after a breakup with a man I loved, the pain sent me  back to the chair.  At that time, I thought I’d have a few sessions, get over him and move on. It turned into so much more.

As I released emotions, I began to change. Subtle changes that many folks would not witness, but are profound. Some days it was hard to get out of bed other days I felt like a zombie– I was up and sleepwalking through the day. Healing is a process, and more importantly a process that requires an eagerness to heal. The more I prayed and went to therapy the more I began to live!

Last week I met up with a friend at a bar.

A warm Friday evening, traffic was bad and so was parking. After searching for a space for  20 minutes only to find a spot I thought was too far from the bar, especially after a few cocktails, I hopped out and  saw what I call street art.

I snapped a picture.


Got to the bar and needed to use the ladies room.

Walked inside and in huge letters on the wall was this!


I took a picture!

And as I washed my hands to leave on the door is this.


I took a picture.

Messages from the Universe.

Welcome back to ONYX.

God speaks to us in various ways we must be open to listen. Joshunda’s gift, street art, and graffiti—all messages that it’s time to revitalize ONYX.

And now is the perfect time.

In high school  I was a 17 year old know-it-all activist running around NYC attending rallies and then writing about my opinions in English class. My frustrated teacher (because I never followed the rules) told me “you will become a better writer after you’ve lived and experienced some pain” Huh? My 17 year all self brushed him off with the typical “whatever”

He was right. Pain made me grow up and seek true healing. I can say it’s a true journey. In 2001 when I conceived ONYX was the start of healing, but I stopped. Maybe because it “just go to hard” but life pushed me back to heal and to ONYX

The goal of ONYX is to provide a forum a for black women to learn how to balance their lives –mentally, physically, spiritually. As Queen Afua said once in a lecture, black women must heal with each other!

ONYX is your digital companion. I’m still learning how to figure it–meaning life…. The first step–Forgive whatever hurts, anger, pain etc.

I don’t have all the answers, but I promise, like the graffiti on that bathroom wall and the street art, and girlfriends who show up for you just when you need them, the universe is conspiring to help you heal!  Stay awake and listen.

I’m heading to Las Vegas in a few hours to Love Life. I’m planning to enjoy 3 days of eating good food, drinking cocktails and laughing with friends. When I return I will attend Blogher. I’m so excited to learn and meet other women with big dreams! Thank you again J.

With you on your journey,


New Year, New You!

In Goals, Inspiration on January 21, 2011 at 11:41 pm

My favorite holiday is New Years Eve. There is something about NYE that makes me happy; I believe it’s the energy and excitement of  a new start as well as celebrating the past.

Since I was a teenager, I have always wanted to be out doing something fun on New Years Eve. I’ve spent NYE at church, clubs, home, parties, movies and with lovers, friends family. And for the last few years, I created a tradition –SPA DAY. I’m a spa girl. I love to be pampered, and love to relax, so I spend part of my NYE at a spa, reflecting about my past year and plotting new resolutions.  This year my girls joined me.

This year’s spa of choice is one of my favorites in Chicago Allyu . Located in the old Montgomery Ward Building in Chicago’s near North Side, Allyu is for the spa lover who is looking for pampering and healing. The spa was sustainably  built and is  consciously operated using only natural products with healing ingredients.

I love the treatments, but the absolute best part of the spa is the meditation room. Situated in the middle of the spa, the meditation room is the place to unwind, sip tea, write in a journal or close your eyes and meditate.

My favorite treatment is the Sugar Scrub with a massage. There’s something about the oils, sugar and the rub down that leaves my skin feeling like butter and glistening.

If you’re looking for a wonderful spa experience head to Allyuspa.

After our spa day we headed to Chicago’s Magnificent Mile for lunch at Bandera on Michigan Avenue, where we had our first toast to 2011.

By the evening, I was on a NYE high. Part of my high was  the weather, it was a lovely 50 degrees in Chicago and I was feeling GREAT.

At the stroke of Midnight, I was surrounded by folks who love me and whom I love toasting to a New Year. In addition, I was on the phone with loved ones on the East Coast. The best words of the evening “2011 is our new start to something beautiful, can’t wait to see you.”

This NYE was a big deal for me for 40 reasons. I turn the big 4-0 in August.

Most folks celebrate milestone birthdays, but 40 seems to be the biggest. I’ve spent the last year wondering why is 40 such a big deal?

I’ve concluded that it’s because after living for 40 years, I’ve realized I’m okay with me.  I am as folks say a “grown ass woman.” With that comes responsibility and a  commitment to living a fulfilled life. I understand now why folks say life begins at 40.

I’m not changing who I am, I’m just refining the woman I am.

I have a list of 40 things to do before turning 40. Some of the items on my list are personal and some fun and exciting-such as learn to swim, bake cookies from scratch,  take a roller derby class, and get a tattoo.  Follow along with me over the next few months as I chart my 40th year journey.

I’m off to a good start, I’ve just booked two trips: Paris and Amsterdam for March and Egypt in August.

I will ring in my 40th b-day in a village in Nubia . I’m so excited that every night, I’m up late researching things to do while on the trip and I have to keep reminding myself to soak up every moment of every day of every month during this year and to enjoy the journey.

I also vowed more face time with friends and family. So in between international travel I’ll be reaching out, hanging out with friends and calling more rather than texting and Facebooking.

I’m looking forward to a trip home to NYC to see my darling little cousin before she gives birth to TWINS.

As 2010 left and 2011 entered I thought about my past year. I experienced some pain and hard truths about myself and others. I took a long look at my career and dreams  and I’m working now towards fulfilling my purpose. I reconnected with old friends and made new ones.

I learned that goodbye is necessary and that respect is more important than ego.

I also realized once again that truth, no matter how painful is the best remedy to soothe my heart.

For me truth & justice runs through my veins.

Last semester a student asked me what quote do I live by and why? I thought for a second, and realized I have many quotes, but one that is never far from my lips is:

“Forward Ever, Backward Never” — Marcus Garvey.

Ironically, a past lover taught me this quote….

Wishing you all a wonderful 2011! What are your resolutions or goals for 2011? Please share in the comments section and let’s keep each other motivated!

With you on your journey,


When Your Heart Smiles

In Uncategorized on May 27, 2010 at 10:11 pm

Ever have something happen so suddenly that you almost did not realize it was happening, but you’re happy it did?

I call those my Heart Smile moments. Unexpected but they light up your world.

Times When My Heart Smiles:

Human Touch:

The last time I received a hug that was so genuine, tight and long was from my cousin who I had not seen in years. I received that hug over 6 months ago, but I can still remember the energy from it. There’s something about the human touch that when it’s pure and righteous will last in your memory forever.

Standing on the train in the early morning and a young baby nestled in her mom’s arms reached over and touched my arm. It was so sweet, gentle, and innocent. Her mom apologized and I smile and said “No apology needed, I so needed to feel that little hand”

A Kiss:

Nothing like a first Kiss…… I’m thinking about one as I type and missing him…..

Nothing like the Kiss from a baby. It’s  sloppy and gooey, but so sweet. Love, Love, Love my God Children and their Kisses!


I’m a lover of words. I will read a quote, hear the words of a song, or listen to someone and remember those words.

Most recently, this toast: “To the start of something beautiful”

This email message: “It’s such a blessing to be in your class, I’m going to take you for English 102”

These words from a song “ I am running. I don’t wanna come down.  Hope my wings don’t fail me now. And if I can touch the sky. I’d risk the fall. Just to know how it feels to fly”

This status on FB: “Go Team ONYX


I love perfume and scents can make me smile; feel warm and cozy or sexy. There’s nothing like smelling a newborn baby right? Or the smell of fresh linen from the dryer? Or bread baking. Or your lover’s scent. There’s something about when my smell sense is activated that just makes me crazy. Well most recently, a friend gave me a sample of PRADA INFUSION DE TUBEREUSE. I spritzed  it on my wrist and my day instantly got better.  I love Tuberose and this fragrance isn’t heavy with it, provides just the right mixture with other flowers to make me wanna go roll around in a garden…Well not really the city girl in me would admire it from afar. But seriously, this is my new summer fragrance.

Speaking of Gardens, last Saturday I was in a funky mood because I had to work. As I walked towards the building, I smelled the most wonderful scent. I realized it was the new-planted bushes right outside the building. I got closer took a whiff and was so mesmerized, that I snapped on the lovely flowers off it’s vine. Gardenia is the flower and smelling it that day made me feel better about working on a weekend.


Good Coffee….Only a coffee drinker can understand…but the first sip of a good cup….

A good piece of fruit…Nature got SWEET right! No cake, cookie or candy can compare to a ripe pineapple, cherries, strawberries or nectarines. I had some GREAT cherries this AM…A wonderful way to start the day!

I’m curious, what makes your heart smile?

Let me know,

With you on your journey,



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