Books & Life

1.  Sisters of the Yam, bell hooks.

This is my number 1 favorite book!!!! A self-help book written to help black women on their road to self-recovery, I credit this book with helping me grow and embrace my womanhood. I discovered this book at Brooklyn Public Library on a warm sunny day in NYC. While the sun was shinning outside it seam dark and gloomy to me.  A recent college graduate, and newly single, I was in a state of confusion about my life, love and future. I checked the book out and I am sad to say (cause I am a librarian),  I never returned the book. I sat outside the library and read the first three chapters.  It is as if bell hooks was speaking directly to me. With chapters on learning how to love being dark, successful unions, how to live in a community and how to find work that I love, hooks tome saved my life! This book helped me embrace being a black woman and to love my hair, dark skin, big hips and shapely figure, but to love the most important part of me: my exquisite mind. I have since purchased and had hooks sign a new copy for me, but I keep the copy I checked out of the library on my bookshelf. I re-read the book a few times a year re-reading sections I highlighted in 1993. It reminds me of how far I have come as a black woman and reminds me that self-help is so important!

2.  It is no wonder that I became a Librarian. I also found my second all time favorite book at the Crown Heights branch of BPL and yep I still have the copy. Black Boy by Richard Wright is my second choice of a book that changed my life. I discovered Wright’s tome at 13, far too young to have read this book, but I did. It enlightened me at an impressionable age about race relations in America, life for black boys and men and solidified Wright as one of my favorite authors. I have since re-read the book many times as an adult just to feel Wrights words, thoughts and feelings.

3.  What will make you happy? Is it love, money, family, or peace of mind? In Search of Satisfaction, J California Cooper, fictional story and characters will make you think about what is happiness. I am not sure how I found Cooper’s book, but after reading the first chapter, I was mesmerized by her metaphors, choice of words and life lessons that she delivers via her characters and their lives. I re-read this book every year to help me focus on what I really want and desire from my journey in life. She is my favorite fiction writer.

4.  Brooklynites who love independent bookstores, will remember Nkiru Books and ABC bookstore. I grew up going to book signings and readings at these small bookstores where I learned the value of small businesses and reading books by and for African Americans.  My fourth book is by an author who I saw at ABC Bookstore. She came in draped in traditional African Garb and with her head covered. Her chocolate skin was gleaming and she flashed her bright smile at all the attendees. I am talking about the lovely Iylana Vanzant and the fourth book that helped change my life is Tapping the Power Within. Vanzant’s first book is a self-help book to help women tap into their internal feminine power and to  grow into black womanhood. This book taught me the importance of covering my crown and learning to look at life with my third eye. A must read for any woman struggling to find her feminine power and style.

5.  When it was time for me to change my dietary habits and embrace a holistic lifestyle, I turned to the bible of the health books, Heal Thyself by Queen Afua.  After my first read, I slowly stopped eating meat and began to do fire breaths and yoga. After the second read, I embarked on the 21-day juice fast. Since first reading this book over 10 years ago, I have fasted, embraced colonics, and embraced ad natural foods lifestyle. At 38 people mistake me for sometimes 10 years younger—I credit learning about a natural lifestyle from Queen Afua for the youthful appearance.

What are your top five books that has helped you change. respond in the comments section, and let me know!  I’ll post the next five next week.

With you on your journey,

Tarshel

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to me.

Today I turn 38. Today is Sunday the start of a new week and the start of a new year for me. I was in a funk the last 2 weeks, feeling like I was getting old, and a bump on a log. Many people provided the pep talks “You’re getting better,” and last night a waitress who asked my age said “wow you don’t look it”.  I don’t and I’m grateful for all the beauty products and my parents genes:-) However, all the pleasantries did not stop the constant internal nagging. I’ve been rekindling an old romance with an EX, he mentioned the other day that I’m always vague with my feelings and wants and needs. I’ve replayed that statement in my head over and over for the last two days and realized he was right and that my constant internal confusion is because I have not embraced what Tarshel wants and needs. For instance, I teach PT and work FT. I spend hours working and motivating students and colleagues to write, yet I’ve nelected ONYX since it’s inception…..And this has been the only dream I’ve ever had….to publish a magazine. So today on my 38 Birthday I say to the blogsphere that I want and need ONYX to flourish and I promise to be the conduit to the growth of a fabulous holistic health magazine for Black Women!!! So today is also ONYX’s  Birthday! and for the next year my only goal is to work hard on ONYX.

So I’m off to enjoy my day, first stop is the Spa (my annual ritual) next dinner and then Grooving to Reggae Jams as I toast Midnight to help my girl ring in her Birthday.

8/9/09 a great day!!

With you on your journey,

Tarshel

Give Thanks

Give thanks

Today’s post comes via a post from my girl Julia, who writes allaboutthepretty. Today on Facebook  her status update was a link  to The Way of a Happy Woman by Sara Avant Stover  whose post discussed no matter how hard life gets, give thanks.  I decided to keep the gratitude going here is my list of what I’m thankful for today. The challenge is to write this list everyday and never forget to say thanks.

Five things I’m Grateful for today Friday May 22, 2009

1. For 6 months I sat in my office and ate lunch by myself. Recently I’ve ventured out to have lunch with colleagues. I’m thankful that we can take 3 hour lunches and still keep our jobs.
2. I’m an accidental teacher. Yep I tripped and fell into a job that I absolutely love. I’m thankful for the opportunity to teach this summer. Every opportunity helps me grow and learn from the students.
3. I left NYC when I was 17 to go to college. I’ve never been back. I’ve lived in major cities, crossed continents and states and no matter where I am in this big ole world, I’m thankful that I can always go home.
4. I love animals. I always think to myself when I see a dog playing or cat sleeping that “they make life sweeter” I’m thankful that the rabbits the live around my building come around most nights for the dinner that my neighbor puts out for them. Seeing them when I arrive home always makes me smile.
5. I love traveling and I’m so thankful that I have the funds to go to Italy this year with my sista friends.

What are you thankful for today?

With you on your journey,

Tarshel

“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.”
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach ~

Love is all around us!

My Neighbor, a 70 year old White woman reminded me today that although I’m grieving the lost of a relationship and battling a health problem, that love even when it has been lost is still all around me.

My neighbor and I bonded over our love for animals. She is adamant about feeding the bunny rabbits that linger outside of our building. One day during one of our many encounters in the parking lot, she told me that “they–meaning the animals have a purpose” I responded that ” they make life sweeter” since then we’ve been kindred spirits chatting about the rabbits and life.

Today, after a week of feeling blue and trying to shake out of my funk, her simple sentence jolted me back to reality. “Love is all around us”

She also offered to take me to dinner and introduce me to some handsome men at church……. But what filled my heart so much was that she reminded me of the story about Jesus asking his disciples to just stand by him….and they did not so he carried the cross alone.  I knew why she told me that biblical story:  to let me know that I’m not alone even when it feels like I may be.  She also said  it’s meant to be, it will be. If its not meant to be than this is God’s Will.   I promised to visit the church she mentioned 5 times during our 20 minute conversation,  and raise my voice in song.

Ending a relationship is painful. I put off the pain until recently when the realization of my lost love and my health issues that  had been ignoring surfaced with a scare that sent me to the Dr. asking what’s wrong?

At 37, I felt like I was dying –from a broken heart and a heart so overworked that it was palpitating too fast and physically I was incapacitated.  My body couldn’t take the stress of all pain and stress that I had been holding in any longer and made me say to the world that I was hurting and needed help.

I’ve reconnected with my friends near and far and I’m so grateful that I’ve been blessed to have such wonderful friends! I’ve learned that no matter what, a man, a job, even my students–my health comes FIRST! My heart literally MADE me realize this.  And today I learned from neighbor that “Love is all around us”

It’s in the Sunshine after the rain.

It’s in the tears.

It’s in the lipgloss that makes you smile more as you wear it .

It’s in the touch of baby’s soft hand.

It’s inside us all, just waiting to connect with someone else!

So spread love! Call the friend you haven’t heard from….(that friend was me for about 8 weeks) Spread Love with your smile….you will be surprised at how a simple gesture will help brighten someone’s day……And give a great big hug to someone.

With you on your journey,

Tarshel

I heart India Arie’s Music

I love India Arie’s  music! Lately I’ve been listening to her last CD “Testimony: Vol.1, Love & Relationship,” which has a great remake of “Heart of the Matter”  . India dropped this CD shortly before I was diagnosed with Graves’ Disease, a thyroid disorder where one of my symptoms was thinning hair.  “I am not my Hair” became my anthem that year.

I am so excited because  today India’s new CD Testimony: VOl 2 Love and  Politics was released and after work  I am heading to Target to pick up the CD……yes I am still one of the few folks who buy CD’s.

A few weeks ago I heard the first single “Chocolate High” on the radio and rushed to the Internet to find the video and more information.  The song, a duet with Musiq is an upbeat tempo love song that just tugged at my heart.

I adore all of India’s songs. In fact her CD’s are always in rotation in my car! and I listen to the whole CD one song after another. I DO NOT have that same love affair with other artists!

India thanks for bringing positive, loving and good music to the world!

Everyone go out and buy or download India’s new CD!

Here is another one of my favorites “Words” a duet with Anthony David.

Inspiration

“That I was able to cast a vote for a presidential candidate whose candidacy would have been unthinkable the year of my birth makes today my birthday”

I received this quote from my girl Tracie today November 4, 2008—Election Day in the United States and the day that many African Americans thought we would never see in our lifetimes. Last night, I felt like I did when I was a child and it was Christmas Eve and I couldn’t wait for Xmas. If I could choose just one word to describe how I have been feeling about this election and my candidate of choice Barack Obama, I choose INSPIRED.

I have loved politics since I was in Jr. High School when I learned the ins and outs of the process that the U.S. uses to elect a president. At that time, Walter Mondale was the democratic nominee and as class project I became his campaign manager. I put together a sure-fire campaign that would catapult Mondale to victory. I loved Social Studies class back then, I loved learning about the government, how it works etc, court systems, etc. After learning about the about the political process from my fabulous Social Studies teacher, I was so hopeful about Mondale’s success.

Subsequent campaigns and politicians stifled all my young energy and excitement about politics until
David Dinkins ran for Mayor of NYC. Although, I was unable to vote for him, I was a supporter and his campaign reignited my interest and energy about politics. In 1993, after graduating from College I returned to Brooklyn to work on his second campaign for reelection. Sadly, he lost, but I was happy I finally worked officially for a candidate I adored. Again, after this election, I lost my faith in politics….until now.

I must admit, in the beginning of this election I was a Hillary Clinton supporter for two reasons: I wanted a woman, and I supported her husband. As a transplant Chicagoan, I knew Obama’s record well. I’ve met Michelle and seen Barack speak on many occasions, but like many black folks in the beginning, I felt a little apprehensive about a black man running for president. Even my sweetie was an Edwards’s supporter in the beginning, but like many other black folks after the Iowa Caucus we began to really take notice of Obama’s chance. I  became an Obama supporter when I saw his interview with Jeff Johnson.

It was also the time when once again, my interest and fire for politics was reignited. This time, though, I am also INSPIRED!

I am Inspired to be a better Tarshel, to make my relationship stronger, get my physical health in order, work harder on my goals, support more charities, and travel more and to get back to volunteering in community.

Many people have inspired me at different times in my life, but right now, the inspiration I feel is so collegial. Everyone around me, strangers, friends and family have been more engaged in politics and thus more aware. I believe folks have stopped sleepwalking through life and are awake. I believe that people now have the same energy that I had in Jr. High School about the political process.

Obama’s candidacy has made my man smile more than I’ve seen in the year and half we’ve been together. He is so happy and I suspect other black men are smiling more as well. Political conversations has made for some enlightening conversations with students in my Friday night class and some of those students better researchers and writers. This election has my mostly all white community flooded with Obama signs and bumper stickers, something I never thought I would ever see.

All around me, I have noticed the change that Obama says happens from the bottom up! and I want to add happens with a personal decision to change!

Folks are Happy!

I’m Happy

I’m Inspired.

I give thanks to the Obama Family because Barack could not do this by himself! So many many thanks to his wife and children for their sacrifice for sharing their father and husband with us so that we can help him change this country!

However you may celebrate tonight, give thanks to the Creator for this day! Give thanks that you Voted. Give thanks for your Ancestors who paved the way for us!

How has this election inspired you? Have you changed? What are you thoughts?

With you on this wonderful journey and day,

–Tarshel

2008 Resolutions

I finally had an AHA moment that is now an infamous term because Lady O. A few weeks ago, I heard Haki Madhubuti speak at an engagement and while explaining to college students the importance of reading and libraries he said “ You are what you Read!.”

Immediately after he said those words, I grabbed my notepad and wrote the quote down and circled it. Circling a word in my notebook is a signal of importance or a reminder to take action.

Yesterday while cleaning up files on my computer, I found a document that I typed in January.

“Happy New Year. It’s that time of the year when resolutions are made and recommitments to change aspects of your life is recreated. Although I’m a huge New Year’s Eve celebration person, I don’t like resolutions. Why? Cause I never stick to them. I’m the classic “I’m gonna lose 50 pounds,” person, who by March has regressed back into my old self. So a few years ago, I decided to forgo making typical resolutions and this year I made what I’m NOT gonna do resolutions. Like I’m not gonna listen to friends bitch and moan about the same ole problems. Listing what I’m not gonna do is too negative, so this year 2008 Imma keep it simple:

What I am gonna do is:

1. Travel

2. Get this Blog running.

3. Read Books that are hard.

Hmmmm, all three resolutions slapped me in the face. Seeing that document made me realize how often I talk about doing when it comes my work, personal life or endeavors but don’t actually DO. This year, I have listened to friends and love ones bitch and moan about their problems, I have worked 50 hours a week at my job and worked harder on my class blog than my personal blog. As I read that document saved on my laptop, I remembered Madhubuti’s words and found that page with the circled quote and began to think hard about my life, choices and journey.

Ladies, Welcome back to ONYX, and please forgive me for taking such a long vacation from my dreams. I heard once that “The universe will continue to test you until you get it right or learn a lesson.” I have to add to that “The universe will continue to send messages to you until you shut up and listen.”

I realize now that Madhubuti’s words was the universe yet again, showing me that I needed to get off my butt and not only work on my resolutions, but do me!

As for my other resolutions, I am going to Paris in November. So although, I was not diligently working on my goals, my sub conscious was and the universe paved a way for me to journey to Paris is 9 girlfriends to celebrate the birthday of one of our beloved.

Along with not posting or working on ONYX, I have not been reading like I should. I read for work, I read magazines and I read textbooks, but my intent when I wrote those words was to re-read books that I read in my youth, but did not understand.

In college I loved literature class, but there were some books I just didn’t get. Beloved, Temple of My Familiar, Invisible Man. I read them, but never truly understood the context. Moreover, all my friends love love Octavia Butler. I just could not read past page 10. So my goal came out of my desire to read these famous authors and classic texts as an adult.

So with a few weeks left in 2008, I will read 5 books, some classics and a few newbies that have been sitting on my self for months.

Ladies, what resolutions did you set and have not worked on, or even started. It is not too late. Recommit with me to working on our goals/ resolutions and taking care of us!

Always with you on your journey,

Tarshel

the new ONYX

“Beauty is life when life unveils its holy face. But you are the life and you are the veil. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. But you are eternity and you are the mirror,” –Khalil Gibran

I conceived ONYX to be a print magazine in 2002 while in graduate school working on an MS in journalism. My conception was guided by a desire that true health was a holistic pursuit: a combination of mental, physical and spiritual balance. I realized that there was a lack of publications that catered to black women and their unique health concerns. That need still exists.

Last year I decided to join the world of bloggers and start ONYX as a blog. When I wrote my first post, I had lofty goals. I set out to offer a blog that could be a dialogue about how to create a life filled with balance and happiness and where women could turn to and find a partner (me) on their journeys. Months later a health challenge strangled my inspiration and work. All of my energy went to healing and understanding my body.

Despite my lack of work on ONYX, my mind was not far from my blog. As I healed, I met other women who were also healing from various physical, emotional, spiritual and mental aliments. Once again, I knew that my vision for ONYX was real and that I needed to find the motivation to get back to my vision.

In June 2006 during a business trip, I met Julia who is the author of allaboutthepretty. I began reading allaboutthepretty to get my daily fix of beauty product suggestions and as Julia says “all things pretty.”

Julia and I bonded over beauty products. But after an initial discussion about beauty products, I realized that we also share a love of yoga, books and travel. Julia fell in love with yoga after the experiencing the death of her beloved brother. What was a prescription from a traditional doctor to help her grieve became a passion. She is now a certified yoga teacher and spreading her love to women who are also in need of healing.

Julia embodies the spirit of ONYX! health and healing is not always popping a pill to take away the pain, but the pursuit to understand why pain exists and learn how to live with passion and happiness even when hurt exists.

Queen Afua, a natural healing expert believes that women must heal together. Essentially, it is our nature to have a sista-friend on our journey toward wellness.

What started as a daily dose of reading about one of my passions, became a friendship. Sometimes in life small events really impact the whole. Julia encouraged me to revisit ONYX and get it up and running and so a many thanks, hugs and kisses Julia!

After months of thinking, consulting I am back to be that sista-friend to help you achieve optimal health and wellness.

So welcome back to ONYX!

As always I will be there with you on your journey!

Tarshel

Remember Healthy is Beautiful